Balto, Nuvi, and Esperanza

Getting up at 4:15 AM is like
going to bed at 8:45 PM: dumb.
6.5 hour drive from Winterport, ME to Red Hook, NY: Check.
Satellite radio is one of the greatest inventions ever, but it
Doesn’t even hold a candle to the GPS. That thing is magical, mystical
And (in my opinion) definitely nothing short of
paranormal. Someone get David Duchovny in here
to explain all of this.
Ours is named Nuvi (thanks Annika).
We took the liberty of naming our truck Balto because he
Is the man and tows a bunch of heavy shit behind him without
Any complaints.
Our camper is called Esperanza because she’s a wild Spanish mare
And you don’t want to get on her bad side.
She’s fiery, she’s passionate - she knows what she wants.
But she looks out for us. She’s warm and comforting
And she lets us live inside of her. Okay this is getting weird.

Anyway, I picked Dev up and we started gunning towards Chicago:
The city of Wind. Is that why they called Jordan ‘His Airness?’
I don’t know - I don’t think so. Wikipedia it.

After riding through farm-country, New York we entered
Farm-country, Pennsylvania – trees, sky, rocks.
I feel like I’ve been in the car for 18 hours.
I think it’s because I’ve been in the car
For 20 hours.

Pennsylvania doesn’t offer too much.
But to be fair, we didn’t visit Philadelphia or Pittsburgh.
Or any Amish place.

Setting up camp at a campsite (Wal-Mart) in
Ohio tonight – a stone’s throw
from Chicago…if you can throw stones over 230 miles.

Time to get a set down for the show tomorrow
But here are some stats:

Trailer: Hooked up, stocked (fully), riding smoothly
# of Miles driven: 1020.3
Hypothesis: The Vanessa Carlton song
‘1000 miles’
was written about driving from Maine
to New York and then to Ohio. Look it up. Get back to me.
$ Spent on Gas: 256.91
$ Spent on Tolls: 35.55 (Thanks, Ohio – You Bastard)
Sleeping in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Ohio: Priceless
Cities Visited: 0
CDs given away: 0
Devins Picked up: 1
# of Golden Slumbers songs learned: 1
Melissa Etheridge: Manly voice but the song
“You can sleep while I drive”
is a solid road trip song.
Plain White T’s: Literally one of the worst bands
I’ve ever heard. The song
‘1, 2, 3, 4 (I Love You)’
has caused me to consider throwing out
all of my white t-shirts in refusal of
supporting the pure unadulterated garbage that
these guys try to pass for music.
Harsh? Yes. Deserved? You tell me.
Daphne Willis: Someone find out who this girl is,
please. She came up on the satellite radio and it took me
approximately 3.6 seconds of hearing her voice to fall in
deep, deep, sweet, sweet love with her.
I think the trip has just been given a new focus:
find Daphne Willis and (with tender love and care)
force her to sing to me until the end of time,
which, by my Mayan friend’s calculations, is around
2 years from now.
Birds obliterated by our windshield: 1, but this bastard was vicious.
I saw him try to swoop in from above like a tiny little fighter pilot.
He had his greedy little
Bird-eyes on my roast beef, corned beef, and lettuce
sandwich (I call it ‘Captain Beef’).
Anyway, he foolishly challenged the windshield to a duel.
I’ll give you one guess who won. Leave your
Guesses in the comments section.
If you’re right, you get a Captain Beef,
courtesy of Me and Dev.
Toledo, Ohio: You are the angry ginger stepchild
of America.
Ohio in General: Cheer up, man. Seriously.
I thought you were for lovers.

Speaking of lovers,
We love you guys.
Be well.


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