Of Windmills & Princesses

Woke up in a very highly lofted full-size bed,
Feeling like an Ewok – just ready to go pick berries
And mess with some storm troopers.
We promised our boy Tirado that we’d come pick up our
Yacht before noon so it doesn’t take up 3 police parking spots anymore,
So we woke up at 10 AM.
There is a place in Chicago that we will clutch very closely
To our road-worn hearts:
Beans & Bagels.
Total Orders:
Dev: Toasted everything bagel with chive
cream cheese (shout out to Janna) and
a Pucker-Up smoothie
Martin: Toasted plain bagel with cream cheese
& lox (shout out to BR) and a Monkey In the
Tree smoothie
Grace: Cup of water (shout out to BORING) &
a purple smoothie with a name that
Bespeaks the obscurity of the smoothie names
Previously mentioned
Our new friend Andy hooked us up with a ride
To the police station so we could pick up our
Regatta and get going.
Of course not before saying our goodbyes
To the people who were kind enough
To invite us into their home and treat us like
Namibian princesses while we were there. I say princesses
Because I feel like, in Namibia, the princesses are treated
With much more respect and general illustriousness than
The princes. I apologize to any Namibian princes I may have
Offended with this brash assumption. But seriously,
You’re a prince, dude…relax.
We sat in traffic outside of Chicago for a little
While, but we quickly got through it and
Began moving through Illinois like any normal
And reasonably decent person would move through
Ohio: fast.
Wisconsin came and went with all her farms
And farms and grass and farms and cows. Not much
To report there, but I guess we should mention
That we were more afraid of hitting a cow
Than anything else at that point.
We hit I-90 and Nuvi Gipsy was quick to inform us
That we wouldn’t be leaving this fine stretch of highway
For another 677 miles. Thanks Nuves. Really appreciate it.
We crossed the Mississippi river into Minnesota – the state
That easily won the award for worst welcome sign ever.
I could have made a better welcome sign using
A piece of paper and colored pencils. Seriously.
Apparently Minnesota isn’t very welcoming. Or so
We thought.
But then we got out into the plains.
We were surprised to find a shit-ton of wind-turbines
That apparently supply the energy for all of the farms in the area.
There were about 6 farms in the area and about
430 wind-turbines.
If each wind-turbine generates 3000 Volts per minute
And they are turning for 23 hours every day,
How much energy does each farmhouse acquire
In the span of 3 hours? Figure it out mathletes. Get back to me.
Leave a correct answer in the comment section and you’ve
Got one juicy Captain Beef coming straight for you.
Dev called Haw-Nah (who lives in Minnesota) to see if
We could stop by her farm and watch her
Till her fields and milk her cows. We
Left a long and detailed message, only to get a call back
From a nice man who sounded like he was calling
From Bangladesh. I think we had the wrong number.
We stopped to cook some dinner (organic burgers in a
Coat of garlic, onion, pepper, and mushrooms, accompanied
By our signature 5-star salad) inside of Esperanza
and to sneakily steal
some of AmericInn’s Wi-fi to upload yesterday’s
blog entry and some new videos.
It’s tough to be sneaky when you’re steering
A gigantic armada up the street. But we pulled it off.
Oh, and we drove through Austin, MN:
Spam Town USA. I promise you, this is not a joke.
Google that – you’ll see.
We just rolled into Martin County – Minnesota
Is now the proud new owner of
12 cool points. 10 out of 10 for naming a
county after me, and 2 out of 10 for that county
being in the middle of absolutely nowhere. Congratulations,
Minnesota, you now have 14 more cool points
Than Ohio. Do the math, Ohio.
We do a lot of driving every day, so, to mediate our boredom,
We’ve decided to include you guys in our journey.
What do I mean? I’ll tell you. Riiight NOW:
The most creative text message we receive
On any given day will win a special award. No,
It’s not a Captain Beef, but we’ll put the winner
And the message in our stats section. Okay, fine,
You get a Captain Beef as well.
My number is:
207.385.6168
Dev’s is:
845.235.9978
Let’s see what you guys can come up with.
If we don’t get any messages we will make up
Fake ones and fake people so we don’t appear
Like we don’t have any friends.

Here are some stats:

# of Miles driven: 1,943.7
$ on gas: 500.01
$ spent on tolls: 85.65
CDs Given Away: Still 20
Tolls skipped by accident: 3
Tolls skipped by Martin: 0
Tolls skipped by Devin: No Comment
Toll system in Illinois: Dumb
Miami: Now farther away than Seattle. Sorry Lorena.
Indian Men Prank Called: 1
Flies Killed by Devin: 3
Update: If you pee onto a hill outside of a closed gas
Station in Minnesota, your pee will
Roll down said hill and try to drown your shoes.
I’m not sure if this also happens in other states.
If you’re not in Minnesota, do some research and let me know.

We’re docking in the Badlands of South Dakota
In the middle of a huge thunderstorm.
Rain is pouring down and we’re
Only supposed to be parked here
For 3 hours. But we don’t care. We’re
As badass as that dude on the bike in Indiana.
That’s pretty badass.
I guess, in South Dakota, when it rains it pours.
Ohio probably knows all about that…
We’re moving on tomorrow morning.
Update: Dev just killed another fly. Up that count to 4.
We hope you enjoy the videos – don’t worry, baby birds,
we’ll make sure to feed you.

Be well…