Just When We Thought We Could Trust Her...

We left the Grand Canyon and started
Driving towards Austin, Texas.
It was getting late, so we decided to stop
At a Wal-Mart in New Mexico.
Easy, right? Wrong.
We put ‘Wal-mart’ into Nuvi Gipsy,
And she found one right away! Perfect, right?
Wrong. She led us into a small town
In New Mexico and proceeded
To tell us to turn down
A road that was literally called
‘Unpaved Road.’
“Hmm…are you sure, Gipsy?” we asked her,
questioning her willingness to lead us.
“Yeah, man, go ahead! It’s right down
on ‘Unpaved Road!’ Would I ever lead you
astray!?” she exclaimed. To answer that question,
yes, she absolutely would lead us astray.
Do you know how I know?
Because she did. ‘Unpaved Road’
Is literally an unpaved road (…). It is about .6 miles
Long, and at the end of it there is, lo and behold,
A gate. Yep, an iron gate. No Wal-Mart,
No Walgreens, no Wallaby, no Gum-Wall,
no John Wall, nothing that
Even resembles a wall in any way.
Just a bunch of bushes with whole
Families of hungry rattlesnakes and a big,
Stupid gate. Oh, did I mention there
Was no place to turn around? Because
There wasn’t. Thanks a lot, Gipsy.
So, at 3:30 AM, Brendan and Devin had to
Get out of Balto to guide me all the way back
To a road that was actually made up of asphalt.
Things I could see: None.
It’s difficult to back up an 18 foot truck
In the total darkness.
It’s almost impossible to back up an 18 foot truck
And a 21 foot camper in the complete darkness.
All I had to go on were the directions
Of my two trusty Compadres. It took us
About 45 minutes. We have not spoken
To Nuvi Gipsy since. We muted her.
Yeah, that’s right. Shut up.
We found the Wal-Mart and parked.
Bed time.

Stats:

# of Hours Enjoyed in New Mexico: 0
Rattlesnakes Heard: Infinity

TCOE