Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Mountains, Valleys, Rainbows, and Jesus
One of the few things that can be considered
To be better than waking up in a Montana valley,
Surrounded by snow-capped mountains and green plains,
Is waking up from a Nyquil-induced super-coma
in a Montana valley.
Anaconda, Montana is a real place. Don’t let anyone
Tell you otherwise. They’re all liars. It exists.
It’s right next to Opportunity, Montana. Can’t make this
Stuff up.
We washed ourselves and threw some breakfast into
Our hungry mouths before we locked up Esperanza
And got back into Balto.
As we continued our trek towards Seattle we realized
That Montana was still beautiful. Yesterday had not been
A dream. Here’s a list of beautiful things in Montana:
trees, streams, valleys, mountains, snow, and big huge rocks.
I realize that doesn’t really sound particularly appealing
To a lot of you, but you’re not here, are you?
No, you’re not. So calm down. Yeah,
That’s what I thought.
We stopped in lovely little Missoula, Montana to eat lunch
(organic burgers again – can’t let ‘em go bad) and to
record some songs inside of Esperanza. We thieved
some internet from the local Holiday Inn
and didn’t feel badly about it at all. That’s how
crazy we are. Take note, people. Don’t be scared
of stealing Holiday Inn’s free wi-fi anymore.
Fear alleviated. You’re welcome.
Dev wanted to jump into one of the little rivers on
The side of the street. I told him to go for it.
Poll: Do you want Dev to jump into a freezing cold river
During this trip? Leave your responses in the comment
Section.
It’s funny how small you feel when a range of mountains
Is towering over you in all directions.
This is probably what the cricket man feels like
All the time. Except dirtier.
Before we left Montana we stopped at the Silver Dollar
Rest Stop. This place has everything.
We went in to get Montana hats, but we almost left with
The following things:
Guns, knives with paintings of wolves on their blades, bear-claws
That you strap on to the back of your hands, brass knuckles with
Knives attached to them, Orc cleavers, Slingshots, and Samurai swords.
I’m not sure what any of these things have to do with
Montana, but I do know that there were about 30 little kids
Running around the store with all of these items.
Either way, we found the trucker hats. Here are some
Slogans that were featured on some of them:
“Huntin’ Deer and Drinkin’ Beer”
“The 2nd Amendment: America’s Original Homeland Security”
“Bubba Rebel” (with a confederate flag)(?)
We decided to take a different approach and just got
Hats with animals on them. The ones on my hat are alive.
Dev got one with the skull of a bison on it.
Solid choices all around.
We got more local beer, including one called
“Pig’s Ass.” I wonder what it’ll taste like.
The check-out girl/lady was very interested in our trip
So we gave her a CD. Her name was Darlene. I
Think she wanted to do bad things to us. We left.
We hit a little rain on the way into Idaho, which
I think is more Idaho’s fault than Montana’s.
I think the main problem with Idaho is that it shares
Way too many letters with Ohio. It’s almost guilty by
Association. Work on that, Idaho. I’ll wait.
Soon after crossing into Idaho we realized that we were
On top of a mountain and out of gas.
We stopped in the next town: Wallace, Idaho.
Don’t go there. It’s really not worth it.
On into Washington and the rain stopped pouring.
We drove by a lookout point and had to stop
To record some songs. Met some cool people from
Vancouver and Portland – handed out some CDs.
Then two girls (I’d say around 16-17 years old) came
Running up to us. “Here we go with the autographs,”
We thought. But we were wrong. They just needed
A band-aid cause one of them had fallen from a horse
Or something dumb like that. We gave them a band-aid.
And a CD.
Moving on towards Seattle we realized that we hadn’t
turned the clocks back a full 3 hours. Awesome.
Instead of being an hour away, we were now two hours
Away. More time spent with good old Balto and Esperanza.
Nuvi Gipsy’s been trippin’ balls lately so we’ve been giving her
The silent treatment. See if that shuts her up. Do I think it will?
No. Am I willing to give it a try anyway? You bet your bottom
Silver dollar.
Now, I live in Maine. Dev lives in New York. Hunting isn’t a big
Deal to us. But we saw a truck at a gas station in Washington
And its bed was full of antlers and skulls. Somewhere a line
Needs to be drawn. The guy came out and apparently, with his
Washington backwoods senses, realized that we were
Judging him. Immediately he said:
“Most of those are wolf kills…”
As if that was supposed to be reassuring.
Now we’re left with a crazy Washington redneck
Who spends his days scouring the countryside
For the remains of wolf kills. Needless to say, we were
Very polite and very quickly on our way.
We saw a biker with a leather jacket that read:
“Bikers for Christ.” As he sped off into the distance
he left a marvelous trail of rainbows behind him.
It was celestial to say the least. Maybe Jesus was a biker.
Who knows? I’m not going to exclude it as an option.
We finally got into Seattle at around 11:30 PM and met up
With Dev’s friends Yuki and Caroline.
Played some music for a while and didn’t even get
A noise complaint. Seattle is gaining cool points.
Watch out, Minnesota – Washington’s coming for you.
Tomorrow it’s off to explore the city and
Probably to record some more music.
We’ll keep you posted.
I’m Martin Earley, Devin’s almost asleep,
And you are the best audience in the world.
Thank you, goodnight.
What? Encore? Oh, I really shouldn’t. No, really,
There are rules.
…Okay fine, just for you…
Here are the stats:
Miles Driven: 3,339.68
$ Spent on Gas: 1011.45
$ Spent on Tolls: 85.65
Cds Given Away: 28
Songs Recorded: 8
Cities Visited: 2
Babies Stolen: 1
Trucker Hats Purchased: 2 (each)
Babies Returned: 0
Text Message of the Day: “Joaquin Phoenix is the
illegitimate lovechild of Rob Reiner and Ohio.”
Congratulations to John.
That is all.
To be better than waking up in a Montana valley,
Surrounded by snow-capped mountains and green plains,
Is waking up from a Nyquil-induced super-coma
in a Montana valley.
Anaconda, Montana is a real place. Don’t let anyone
Tell you otherwise. They’re all liars. It exists.
It’s right next to Opportunity, Montana. Can’t make this
Stuff up.
We washed ourselves and threw some breakfast into
Our hungry mouths before we locked up Esperanza
And got back into Balto.
As we continued our trek towards Seattle we realized
That Montana was still beautiful. Yesterday had not been
A dream. Here’s a list of beautiful things in Montana:
trees, streams, valleys, mountains, snow, and big huge rocks.
I realize that doesn’t really sound particularly appealing
To a lot of you, but you’re not here, are you?
No, you’re not. So calm down. Yeah,
That’s what I thought.
We stopped in lovely little Missoula, Montana to eat lunch
(organic burgers again – can’t let ‘em go bad) and to
record some songs inside of Esperanza. We thieved
some internet from the local Holiday Inn
and didn’t feel badly about it at all. That’s how
crazy we are. Take note, people. Don’t be scared
of stealing Holiday Inn’s free wi-fi anymore.
Fear alleviated. You’re welcome.
Dev wanted to jump into one of the little rivers on
The side of the street. I told him to go for it.
Poll: Do you want Dev to jump into a freezing cold river
During this trip? Leave your responses in the comment
Section.
It’s funny how small you feel when a range of mountains
Is towering over you in all directions.
This is probably what the cricket man feels like
All the time. Except dirtier.
Before we left Montana we stopped at the Silver Dollar
Rest Stop. This place has everything.
We went in to get Montana hats, but we almost left with
The following things:
Guns, knives with paintings of wolves on their blades, bear-claws
That you strap on to the back of your hands, brass knuckles with
Knives attached to them, Orc cleavers, Slingshots, and Samurai swords.
I’m not sure what any of these things have to do with
Montana, but I do know that there were about 30 little kids
Running around the store with all of these items.
Either way, we found the trucker hats. Here are some
Slogans that were featured on some of them:
“Huntin’ Deer and Drinkin’ Beer”
“The 2nd Amendment: America’s Original Homeland Security”
“Bubba Rebel” (with a confederate flag)(?)
We decided to take a different approach and just got
Hats with animals on them. The ones on my hat are alive.
Dev got one with the skull of a bison on it.
Solid choices all around.
We got more local beer, including one called
“Pig’s Ass.” I wonder what it’ll taste like.
The check-out girl/lady was very interested in our trip
So we gave her a CD. Her name was Darlene. I
Think she wanted to do bad things to us. We left.
We hit a little rain on the way into Idaho, which
I think is more Idaho’s fault than Montana’s.
I think the main problem with Idaho is that it shares
Way too many letters with Ohio. It’s almost guilty by
Association. Work on that, Idaho. I’ll wait.
Soon after crossing into Idaho we realized that we were
On top of a mountain and out of gas.
We stopped in the next town: Wallace, Idaho.
Don’t go there. It’s really not worth it.
On into Washington and the rain stopped pouring.
We drove by a lookout point and had to stop
To record some songs. Met some cool people from
Vancouver and Portland – handed out some CDs.
Then two girls (I’d say around 16-17 years old) came
Running up to us. “Here we go with the autographs,”
We thought. But we were wrong. They just needed
A band-aid cause one of them had fallen from a horse
Or something dumb like that. We gave them a band-aid.
And a CD.
Moving on towards Seattle we realized that we hadn’t
turned the clocks back a full 3 hours. Awesome.
Instead of being an hour away, we were now two hours
Away. More time spent with good old Balto and Esperanza.
Nuvi Gipsy’s been trippin’ balls lately so we’ve been giving her
The silent treatment. See if that shuts her up. Do I think it will?
No. Am I willing to give it a try anyway? You bet your bottom
Silver dollar.
Now, I live in Maine. Dev lives in New York. Hunting isn’t a big
Deal to us. But we saw a truck at a gas station in Washington
And its bed was full of antlers and skulls. Somewhere a line
Needs to be drawn. The guy came out and apparently, with his
Washington backwoods senses, realized that we were
Judging him. Immediately he said:
“Most of those are wolf kills…”
As if that was supposed to be reassuring.
Now we’re left with a crazy Washington redneck
Who spends his days scouring the countryside
For the remains of wolf kills. Needless to say, we were
Very polite and very quickly on our way.
We saw a biker with a leather jacket that read:
“Bikers for Christ.” As he sped off into the distance
he left a marvelous trail of rainbows behind him.
It was celestial to say the least. Maybe Jesus was a biker.
Who knows? I’m not going to exclude it as an option.
We finally got into Seattle at around 11:30 PM and met up
With Dev’s friends Yuki and Caroline.
Played some music for a while and didn’t even get
A noise complaint. Seattle is gaining cool points.
Watch out, Minnesota – Washington’s coming for you.
Tomorrow it’s off to explore the city and
Probably to record some more music.
We’ll keep you posted.
I’m Martin Earley, Devin’s almost asleep,
And you are the best audience in the world.
Thank you, goodnight.
What? Encore? Oh, I really shouldn’t. No, really,
There are rules.
…Okay fine, just for you…
Here are the stats:
Miles Driven: 3,339.68
$ Spent on Gas: 1011.45
$ Spent on Tolls: 85.65
Cds Given Away: 28
Songs Recorded: 8
Cities Visited: 2
Babies Stolen: 1
Trucker Hats Purchased: 2 (each)
Babies Returned: 0
Text Message of the Day: “Joaquin Phoenix is the
illegitimate lovechild of Rob Reiner and Ohio.”
Congratulations to John.
That is all.
Monday, May 31, 2010
The Land of No Tolls
Woke up in South Dakota and surprisingly found
No rain. No lightning. No thunder. It’s a good day.
Get on the road for a long day of driving towards
Seattle – Nuvi Gipsy (almost reluctantly) guides us.
South Dakota is flat like a pre-Galilean earth, until
You hit the Missouri river. Then it’s mountain-country
For a while.
We came upon a trucker who was far angrier than was
Necessary. We’re not sure if his anger was borne of his Napoleon
Complex, his illiteracy, his inability to grow a moustache that
Can be taken seriously, or the fact that he was transporting
Crickets. Anyway, we passed him. Then he passed us.
So we passed him again, only to get re-passed by this
Half-mustachio’d Christmas elf from Utah. Game on, Broheme.
We pass him again and get it on tape. “Congratulations, Dev & Martin,”
We thought, “you won the battle.”
Wrong.
This tiny little goblin-like creature comes up on our right once again.
Out with the video camera. Let’s get this Gollum wanna-be on tape.
Oh, how superior we thought we were.
And how surprised and shocked we both were when
We realized that this little cricket guy was taping us!
He must have gotten wind of the show in Chicago (no pun intended)
And realized that he was playing “king of the road” with
Two international superstars. I’m sure he’s following the blog now.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he set up his own blog,
Following the progress of ours.
Or maybe he was just pissed – who knows?
Either way, this little man fell from the ugly tree and hit
Every branch on the way down. I can’t say I wouldn’t be angry
If I were 5’2”, 130 lbs and looked like a cross between
Darth Vader without his mask and one of those Orcs from
Lord of the Rings, you know, not the big badass ones,
The little filthy, sleazy ones. I think cricket man has taken up enough
Space here. Let’s move on.
We pulled into Ghost Town, South Dakota to gas up and
Decided to record a few songs in front of the beautiful landscape
We encountered there. A few passers-by
Stopped to talk to us. Turns out they live about
5 miles away from Dev’s house. Coincidence? Probably.
Either way, we gave them a CD and continued recording.
We also purchased South Dakota trucker hats for the
Ridiculous price of $3.50. Who could pass that up? Not us.
Update: Soda is not soda here – it’s Pop. And it only costs
10 cents. Coffee is 5 cents. We may or may not have traveled back to
the 1920’s.
We passed Rapid City, SD and saw absolutely no rapids.
In fact, the only thing that was rapid about it
Was the speed at which we passed it by.
Wyoming lasted for about 7 minutes, but gave us no
Trouble. The skies were not quite what our girls from
RJ promised, but maybe we caught them on an
Off-day.
We soon passed into Montana, which is by far
The prettiest place we’ve driven through so far.
Flat plains, snow-capped mountains, and the greenest
Hillsides. Montana’s got it all.
We stopped and recorded two more songs
As the sun was going down behind us.
If I could do college all over again, I would strongly
Consider Chief Dull Knife College in Lame Deer, Montana,
Just so I can say I go to Chief Dull Knife College
In Lame Deer, Montana if anyone asks. I mean, come on.
The name alone is worth the tuition.
We kept driving into the night, but not before
Purchasing some local beer, called “Moose Drool.”
We’re pretty excited to try it.
We arrived at a rest stop at around 2:30 AM
And decided to call it a night.
Tomorrow brings us into Seattle.
Take care of yourselves.
Here are some stats:
Miles Driven: 2,774.6
$ Spent on Gas: 793.72
$ Spent on Tolls: 85.65
$ Spent on Tolls in MN, SD, WY, MT: 0.00
CDs Given Away: 21
Cricket Men Pissed Off: 0.75
Songs Recorded: 5
Cities Visited: 1
Cows Seen: ∞
P.S.: We’ll start the text-message contest
With tomorrow’s blog, since we’re updating them
A day late. Relax, okay? We’re only human.
No rain. No lightning. No thunder. It’s a good day.
Get on the road for a long day of driving towards
Seattle – Nuvi Gipsy (almost reluctantly) guides us.
South Dakota is flat like a pre-Galilean earth, until
You hit the Missouri river. Then it’s mountain-country
For a while.
We came upon a trucker who was far angrier than was
Necessary. We’re not sure if his anger was borne of his Napoleon
Complex, his illiteracy, his inability to grow a moustache that
Can be taken seriously, or the fact that he was transporting
Crickets. Anyway, we passed him. Then he passed us.
So we passed him again, only to get re-passed by this
Half-mustachio’d Christmas elf from Utah. Game on, Broheme.
We pass him again and get it on tape. “Congratulations, Dev & Martin,”
We thought, “you won the battle.”
Wrong.
This tiny little goblin-like creature comes up on our right once again.
Out with the video camera. Let’s get this Gollum wanna-be on tape.
Oh, how superior we thought we were.
And how surprised and shocked we both were when
We realized that this little cricket guy was taping us!
He must have gotten wind of the show in Chicago (no pun intended)
And realized that he was playing “king of the road” with
Two international superstars. I’m sure he’s following the blog now.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he set up his own blog,
Following the progress of ours.
Or maybe he was just pissed – who knows?
Either way, this little man fell from the ugly tree and hit
Every branch on the way down. I can’t say I wouldn’t be angry
If I were 5’2”, 130 lbs and looked like a cross between
Darth Vader without his mask and one of those Orcs from
Lord of the Rings, you know, not the big badass ones,
The little filthy, sleazy ones. I think cricket man has taken up enough
Space here. Let’s move on.
We pulled into Ghost Town, South Dakota to gas up and
Decided to record a few songs in front of the beautiful landscape
We encountered there. A few passers-by
Stopped to talk to us. Turns out they live about
5 miles away from Dev’s house. Coincidence? Probably.
Either way, we gave them a CD and continued recording.
We also purchased South Dakota trucker hats for the
Ridiculous price of $3.50. Who could pass that up? Not us.
Update: Soda is not soda here – it’s Pop. And it only costs
10 cents. Coffee is 5 cents. We may or may not have traveled back to
the 1920’s.
We passed Rapid City, SD and saw absolutely no rapids.
In fact, the only thing that was rapid about it
Was the speed at which we passed it by.
Wyoming lasted for about 7 minutes, but gave us no
Trouble. The skies were not quite what our girls from
RJ promised, but maybe we caught them on an
Off-day.
We soon passed into Montana, which is by far
The prettiest place we’ve driven through so far.
Flat plains, snow-capped mountains, and the greenest
Hillsides. Montana’s got it all.
We stopped and recorded two more songs
As the sun was going down behind us.
If I could do college all over again, I would strongly
Consider Chief Dull Knife College in Lame Deer, Montana,
Just so I can say I go to Chief Dull Knife College
In Lame Deer, Montana if anyone asks. I mean, come on.
The name alone is worth the tuition.
We kept driving into the night, but not before
Purchasing some local beer, called “Moose Drool.”
We’re pretty excited to try it.
We arrived at a rest stop at around 2:30 AM
And decided to call it a night.
Tomorrow brings us into Seattle.
Take care of yourselves.
Here are some stats:
Miles Driven: 2,774.6
$ Spent on Gas: 793.72
$ Spent on Tolls: 85.65
$ Spent on Tolls in MN, SD, WY, MT: 0.00
CDs Given Away: 21
Cricket Men Pissed Off: 0.75
Songs Recorded: 5
Cities Visited: 1
Cows Seen: ∞
P.S.: We’ll start the text-message contest
With tomorrow’s blog, since we’re updating them
A day late. Relax, okay? We’re only human.
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