San Diago

We drove from L.A. to San Diego
In a little less than three hours and arrived
In El Cajon, hungry for showers.
We got our friend Allison’s house,
Or at least that’s what we thought.
Little did we know that Allison actually does
Not live in a house. She lives in a hilltop palace
That seemed to have been carved out of one
Gigantic piece of 14th century Venetian marble.
Her backyard overlooks all of El Cajon Valley
And it incorporates more fire pits than most
Average Americans have children: 3.
The water in her pool was as blue
As the barbecue chicken her mom cooked was
Delicious. Figure that one out.
Let me just quell all of the rumors right now:
Yes, the home does have a hot tub
And the TV was approximately the size
Of a double-wide garage door.
We relaxed in the back yard and basked in
Some of the most enjoyable climate
That North America has to offer.
We went out into downtown San Diego
And met up with some more people.
Yes, we did get ice cream cones at
Ghirardelli’s, and yes they were delicious.
Towards the end of the night we dropped off
One of Allison’s friends and started to drive
Back to the Maharaja’s kingdom that was
Allison’s house. On the way there we saw
A man laying unconsciously on the sidewalk.
Being the good Samaritans we are, we decided
To call the police. Apparently, though, you can’t
Just report an unconscious person
To the police. You have to stay on the line,
Engage the person, and try to tell the police
All sorts of information about them and
Yourself that really has nothing at all
To do with the incident. After a 15 minute ordeal
We walked over to the man and tried to help him
Get up. He slowly got up and shook our hands
Before saying:
“I’m good, man, I’m just way too drunk.”
I wanted to respond:
“Yeah you are…you went to sleep on the
concrete sidewalk in the middle of San Diego,”
but I said:
“Okay, cool” instead.
The next day we took it easy and
Indulged in some World Cup football.
In the afternoon we took a trip
To La Jolla because most of our friends
Had told us to visit there.
Here’s a list of things we saw:
Beach, rocks, squirrels, pigeons,
Seagulls, seals, lots of Asian tourists,
Beach scavengers, expensive restaurants,
And people who refused to be interviewed.
I’d like to think that those people were
Simply so overwhelmed by our stunningly
Attractive facial features and herculean
Physiques that they couldn’t bring
Themselves to speak.
But they were probably just creeped out.
Tomato, Tom-ah-to.
We then drove back to Buckingham Palace
To relax for the evening, in preparation
Of our upcoming trip to Vegas.
We figured we’d need all the energy we could
Get.
Plug: I used this time to develop and design
My new website: www.martinearley.com.
Brendan was nice enough to help me out
With the domain name and the more technical
Aspect of the whole process. The site will be up from
Now on, so feel free to check it out at
Your convenience.
In the morning we were given a full French Toast
Breakfast with the juiciest of oranges,
picked freshly from
The royal manor’s extensive gardens.
The King and Queen gave us everything
We could ask for, and for that we are
Incredibly grateful.
We bowed our goodbyes and got into
Balto, waving respectfully
As we crossed through the diamond-studded
Front gates of the estate and back into
The real world.
Vegas awaits, ladies and gentlemen,
And we will give her all we’ve got.

I’m not going to put the stats
Up right now,
But you could imagine what it
Would be like if I did, right?

That’s right: Awesome.

If you don’t hear from us
We’ve either been sold into
Slavery to square up our gambling debts
Or we don’t have internet.

TCOE

(Yeah, that’s right…I’m making
up my own sign-off acronyms. Figure
it out. I’m taking over that
niche. Watch out,
emoticons…you’re next.)